Your message is so true in this story. We can’t escape our past or our experiences, even though we often wish we could. For me, it was the obsession to escape grief. As I near five years without my spouse, I have come to understand that grief will always be there, and wherever and whenever I change location, it remains by my side. Embracing it has helped, which you also had to do in your situation. Well said!
Thank you for responding, Candy, and my condolences on losing your spouse. As I found out myself and you write, grief can’t be outrun, distractions don’t work. My best wishes to you on this difficult journey.
I thought this piece was wonderful. I am approaching 80, I think myself young, was not prepared for ageism when I was no longer an editor, a shop owner and the deceptions started, from those I thought friends. It is a strange space to be in and I too want to run away to Italy.
Thank you so much, Grace. Ageism is insidious and also hurtful. The consolation, I suppose, is that those who practice it will, if they’re lucky, live long enough to experience it themselves—assuming society hasn’t stamped it out by then. Best wishes, if you opt for Italy, please let me know!
Thanks so much for your response, I definitely understand, but try hard to overcome, the need to escape that sometimes happens. My best wishes to you, if you decide to run away to Italy, please let me know!
Thank you for writing about this. If you had been living this wisdom then, would you have moved to France? It seems like it has been good—in spite of the motivations, perhaps?
since moving to France has always been a dream of mine, I think I would have moved anyway. And I didn't really think I was running from anything, more of an adventure.
Love this piece. It reminds me of me! I'm heading to a charity shop (in lieu of a brocante) to get myself a bright tablecloth and maybe a white flowing dress.
1st of all, my apologies for not getting to this earlier. It seems that your posts just don't get into my mailbox, whatever I do to get them.
Then, while reading your thoughts, one just kept reappearing in my mind - until I found it, and your said it in Your Words: ..... wherever we go — across countries, across relationships — we take ourselves with us. The grief, the longing, the restlessness — they don’t stay behind....
Had we known each other earlier, I could have saved you much of your running away. With me it was never the 'running away' part, because Once I start something, I'll give my all to make it work.... even long after all hope should have vanished. And so I divorced my ex in our 25th year of marriage - finally. And THEN followed one of my happiest times. Even though I was heartbroken to have failed so spectacularly to live up to my promises, my expectations, but also the expectations of society, friends, I cherished the freedom of being Master of my Life. I worked long, long hours because I needed the challenge, but once done, I sat in a quiet place, eating my meal, writing, talking to somebody nearby, putting my thoughts and feelings in a notebook - it was such a relief. Even now, being in a 2nd enduring marriage, with all their own problems, let-downs and joys, I still regard those months 'then' as one of my happiest time.
I lived in Switzerland (home country), Canada, England, France and 'one' of the best times we had, were in 'rural' Torquay, where life was slower, ppl had time, no luxurious treats were to be had, but we had the sea, the pure salty air, a peaceful surrounding - life was really good to us (for 8yrs).
Our time in France (12+yrs) was very stressful and as much as I loved France before we lived there, I disliked our life we had there. The greater Paris region wasn't our turf, our voices grew louder, our temperaments mounted out of control, our driving became aggressive, there came a time when I said: Either we divorce or return to Switzerland. Which, in the end (the 'before' would fill a bookshelf or three!) we rented a flat here and low and behold, a certain peace and contentment filled us again. Now, 6yrs later, we both say that it was the best decision!
I'm so, so glad for you to have found your AT HOME in France, the main word here is RURAL - but I know it wouldn't be for me for long. I 'must' have my peace and quiet, but also have access to places, culture, music, and I need my lake to swim in. I enjoy the various groups I participate in, nordic walking, gym (I'm by FAR the worst and unfit of all), the walks, the choirs and orchestra, the many visits I get and where we're invited to, etc....
I wish you - as always - the best, day after day, and although I'm 'enjoying' very bad eye-sight, I think I'd want to buy your book you'll write with all your ponderings and experiences. You are one of my Wonder Women!
Janice, no matter how many Substacks are piled up on my inbox floor I ALWAYS devour yours first. Pema is my quiet queen, my guru, my guide. Her words always sink in deep. Loved reading about your experience with her. Maybe we will always have the instinct to escape, but I like to think it can be gently tamed. I hope!
Your reply has made my day, Mary Ann. Many thanks. It's difficult to overcome, this instinct to escape problems, but Pema is, as you say, a wonderful guide.
Thanks for responding, Michael. Fortunately, I love France and have no desire to come back. But I'm saddened by what's happening to the US.
There’s a lot of wisdom herein
Thanks, Michelle.
Your message is so true in this story. We can’t escape our past or our experiences, even though we often wish we could. For me, it was the obsession to escape grief. As I near five years without my spouse, I have come to understand that grief will always be there, and wherever and whenever I change location, it remains by my side. Embracing it has helped, which you also had to do in your situation. Well said!
Thank you for responding, Candy, and my condolences on losing your spouse. As I found out myself and you write, grief can’t be outrun, distractions don’t work. My best wishes to you on this difficult journey.
I thought this piece was wonderful. I am approaching 80, I think myself young, was not prepared for ageism when I was no longer an editor, a shop owner and the deceptions started, from those I thought friends. It is a strange space to be in and I too want to run away to Italy.
Thank you so much, Grace. Ageism is insidious and also hurtful. The consolation, I suppose, is that those who practice it will, if they’re lucky, live long enough to experience it themselves—assuming society hasn’t stamped it out by then. Best wishes, if you opt for Italy, please let me know!
Thanks so much for your response, I definitely understand, but try hard to overcome, the need to escape that sometimes happens. My best wishes to you, if you decide to run away to Italy, please let me know!
Once again you’ve nailed it, Janice. Thank you for articulating feelings we’ve probably all felt. How courageous you are.
Thankyou, Garet, I appreciate your response.
Many thanks for responding, Garet, it’s greatly appreciated.
Thank you for this timely message. It was just what I needed.
I'm happy to hear that, Ella Rae, I'm glad it arrived at the right moment.
Thank you for writing about this. If you had been living this wisdom then, would you have moved to France? It seems like it has been good—in spite of the motivations, perhaps?
Good question, Brond.
since moving to France has always been a dream of mine, I think I would have moved anyway. And I didn't really think I was running from anything, more of an adventure.
Imagine if there were ruby red slippers at that brocante…
Ha! Good thought, Rod. I would have had to buy them.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Be glad where you are.
There’s nothing to come back to right now. Except a fascist country.
I'm happy to be here, no desire to return, just sad at what's happening to the country.
I loved reading this today. A perfect length, honest, realistic.
Many thanks Donna, I appreciate that.
Love this piece. It reminds me of me! I'm heading to a charity shop (in lieu of a brocante) to get myself a bright tablecloth and maybe a white flowing dress.
Great idea Robyn and many thanks for your response.
A great idea! Thanks for responding.
1st of all, my apologies for not getting to this earlier. It seems that your posts just don't get into my mailbox, whatever I do to get them.
Then, while reading your thoughts, one just kept reappearing in my mind - until I found it, and your said it in Your Words: ..... wherever we go — across countries, across relationships — we take ourselves with us. The grief, the longing, the restlessness — they don’t stay behind....
Had we known each other earlier, I could have saved you much of your running away. With me it was never the 'running away' part, because Once I start something, I'll give my all to make it work.... even long after all hope should have vanished. And so I divorced my ex in our 25th year of marriage - finally. And THEN followed one of my happiest times. Even though I was heartbroken to have failed so spectacularly to live up to my promises, my expectations, but also the expectations of society, friends, I cherished the freedom of being Master of my Life. I worked long, long hours because I needed the challenge, but once done, I sat in a quiet place, eating my meal, writing, talking to somebody nearby, putting my thoughts and feelings in a notebook - it was such a relief. Even now, being in a 2nd enduring marriage, with all their own problems, let-downs and joys, I still regard those months 'then' as one of my happiest time.
I lived in Switzerland (home country), Canada, England, France and 'one' of the best times we had, were in 'rural' Torquay, where life was slower, ppl had time, no luxurious treats were to be had, but we had the sea, the pure salty air, a peaceful surrounding - life was really good to us (for 8yrs).
Our time in France (12+yrs) was very stressful and as much as I loved France before we lived there, I disliked our life we had there. The greater Paris region wasn't our turf, our voices grew louder, our temperaments mounted out of control, our driving became aggressive, there came a time when I said: Either we divorce or return to Switzerland. Which, in the end (the 'before' would fill a bookshelf or three!) we rented a flat here and low and behold, a certain peace and contentment filled us again. Now, 6yrs later, we both say that it was the best decision!
I'm so, so glad for you to have found your AT HOME in France, the main word here is RURAL - but I know it wouldn't be for me for long. I 'must' have my peace and quiet, but also have access to places, culture, music, and I need my lake to swim in. I enjoy the various groups I participate in, nordic walking, gym (I'm by FAR the worst and unfit of all), the walks, the choirs and orchestra, the many visits I get and where we're invited to, etc....
I wish you - as always - the best, day after day, and although I'm 'enjoying' very bad eye-sight, I think I'd want to buy your book you'll write with all your ponderings and experiences. You are one of my Wonder Women!
Janice, no matter how many Substacks are piled up on my inbox floor I ALWAYS devour yours first. Pema is my quiet queen, my guru, my guide. Her words always sink in deep. Loved reading about your experience with her. Maybe we will always have the instinct to escape, but I like to think it can be gently tamed. I hope!
Thanks so much, Mary Ann, yes Pema always comes through!
Your reply has made my day, Mary Ann. Many thanks. It's difficult to overcome, this instinct to escape problems, but Pema is, as you say, a wonderful guide.
Brave, resilient lady!! Kudos 😘
Merci bien, Catherine.